corriendo salvaje

i was a sprinter and high jumper during my school days in track and field.

i hated training...running behind the coaches car felt like torture.

it wasn't until my early twenties  that i got back into running.

i have always been an athlete and at the time i was an avid

climber, backpacker,swimmer and pretty obsessed with watching and reading about endurance races.

that is when running got a grip on me.

i decided i wanted to try my hand at a marathon, then a make my way

to triathlons. that was what i was most stoked about.

so i started running again. on my off days i was bouldering and climbing 2 plus hours a day.

i preferred the latter as long distance running was brutal for me.

as i do everything, i jumped into training fully and was feeling the burn.

then i crushed my ankle in a bouldering mishap.

just like that everything that was, was no longer.

it was a devastating injury. it occurred at the beginning of the summer.

suddenly this once super active gal was stuck on my ass.

the injury was severe and permanent. i was in a hard cast 

3 months and a walking cast another 3. followed by physical therapy.

unfortunately some natural fusion occurred and i lost almost all of my ankle mobility.

i endured intense chronic pain for 2 years. i couldn't walk a half a mile

without significant swelling and unbearable pain.

i sunk into a depression.

no more backpacking, no more running and i couldn't imagine climbing again.

i saw specialist after specialist and was always told the same news...

"there is nothing that can be done. this is permanent and will only continue to worsen.

you will suffer arthritis and the threat of your talus dying is high requiring a full ankle fusion."

being active was my identity, who was i if i wasn't "this" anymore.

 i had to go inward and discover more about myself.

i became very proactive with my diet, eating as healthy as i could.

i became proactive with my mind, devouring as much wisdom as i could contain

and redefining myself and discovering all of me.

in this time i realized how determined and strong i am

but i also realized how powerful our bodies are.

the self healing capabilities are vast and i couldn't take the word of doctors who

 didn't know my mind and body.

so i decided there would be no more "cannots" and more "yes i cans"

this is when i got into cycling and swimming even more. 

i also started working on building up the stabilizing muscles in my ankle

to support the parts of the ankle that no longer worked.

i swam laps and took spin classes avidly.

my body began to thrive as well as my spirit.

i iced my ankle after workouts, took supplements and ate

foods that had anti-inflammatory properties.

the chronic pain began to fade and i began to feel strong.

when my body is strong it directly affects how fearless i become.

when i started landscaping and gardening i started growing all sorts of new muscles

and forms of "toughness".

i even went bouldering again. 

this was mentally challenging for me and i haven't fully entered

climbing again, but i plan to.

this past year i went through a significant loss.

i felt anxiety constantly and had an ache i could not rid.

i didn't know how to cope. 

so i journaled, meditated and studied the Tao.

but my body needed a form of processing.

my body screamed to run.

something i thought i would never do again.

but i strapped on my running shoes, put ear phones in

and started to run.

i couldn't run far at first but i was surprised i could run at all.

no pain, no swelling...a funny gait maybe but i was running.

i cried while i ran, i sang, i smiled.

i ran through rain, through snow (which was magical)

i ran after 9 hour of labor at work.

i ran at night under street lights.

i ran until the ache went away and i could sleep through the night.

i did a 5K and set my sights on my first endurance race.

my body felt alive and looked great.

running saved me.

i didn't get to do that endurace race because i got really sick

and found out i was pregnant.

i haven't really been able to run in five months because of how 

sick i have been but i think about it every day.

i am a runner.

it is my blood.

i will run again.

i plant to try some pregnant running.

i still have my muscular legs and body from running and i think i my 

body will bounce back faster after baby.

never listen to the can'ts.

our bodies are powerful self healing machines

and so are our hearts.