yeps

-  walk every day and absorb nature

- drink green smoothies

- soak in the sunshine

- find and read a book

- start new journal

rain

Often I feel uncomfortable.

Small talk, "rules" of society, expected routines, 

working in a workplace...

It is hard to explain.

Most times things that come from me are forced 

and surface. 

I can play the game for awhile but then it finally gets to me

and I just can't do it anymore and I check out.

I leave my job, I quit talking to new friends and I seemingly disappear.

I am in that stage right now. 

I miss working in the garden. I miss landscaping and being so close to the trees, herbs, 

plants and soil that I had developed a relationship with.

I miss watching the birds in the morning find puddles to splash in.

Watching worms wind in and out of the dirt.

Spy bees darting about the flowers and butterflies spinning to and fro.

Tonight I sat in my car as it rained.

I lay back my seat and watched dark clouds, 

Lightening littered the sky and the ominous thunder soothed my spirit.

Drops of rain streamed down my windshield and blurred and altered my sight.

I just listened and observed and the anxious feeling I had been carrying all day

dissipated and evaporated.

I could feel a smile inside me. 

A feeling of rightness.

As my mind often does I was carried away with daydreams.

Sitting in the grass smelling the wet earth.

Crating clay pots under a sunny rain, the wetness gliding down my arms onto my fingertips.

Mint and lavender mist from the herb patch.

Lying in bed under the clip clopping of dancing raindrops.

Jumping in puddles with my little one and finding surfaced earthworms.

Sitting on the swing of my front porch watching the rain nourish the garden.

In this man-made world I might feel uncomfortable,

but in nature I find me.

almost there

Seasons are a constant in life.

I often find myself at crossroads.

Do others as much as I?

Most seem to routinely ebb and flow through

their lives, without much fuss or challenges.

Others seem to routinely be out of routine 

facing challenges and finding ways to cross

situations with temporary bridges.

My life has only been sprinkled with quiet seasons

of predictability, stability and peace.

Mostly it is pursuits and opportunities to find what I am made

of. Strength training I could classify it. 

Figuring out how to deal with situations often created

by me.

Its funny because for all the "chaos" that graces my life

I am one who longs, deeply longs for peace and simplicity.

A quiet life, a house full of children. A cozy home, a small garden, 

some chickens. A man whom I love and loves me.

A family.

To sit and listen to the birds while nursing my little one.

Draw flowers in the garden.

Bake bread and read books.

A few good friends and a creek to splash in.

Maybe I am making my way to this place...

the road is not paved.

Any thorns or sharp rocks are found by my bare feet.

There is darkness sometimes and I feel lost.

Most of this trek I do alone and that feeling of

loneliness is vast at times.

I believe I am almost to the clearing where my little home sits

and all my daydreams have manifested.

Almost there