i thought you knew that about me

being real

does it make me seem weak

to say what i feel

wear my heart on my sleeve

take a long time to heal

re-extend you my heart

battered and torn

by the way that you tossed "it"

when "it" was just born.

does it make me look desperate

when i just say the truth

that i miss everything

despite just uncouth

that your actions and words have been to me

but somehow your heart im able to see.

does it make me sound stupid

  i imagine you running

to tell me you love me

and that you've been coming

but its taken awhile and you're sorry bout that

 sometimes its scary, when you get off track.

 if it makes me seem stupid, desperate or weak

i will just live with that 

because life would be bleak

if i tried to be tough and always play cool

like Mr T says, "I pity the fool"

arrow

 

 

Iroquois Cry

i was talking to your bones

the sun wasn't shining none.

you found me talking to your bones

and you made the sun shine on me

then

i saw you standing behind me in my shadow in the grass

"don't cry white cloud- I will see you again"

and i dreamt i was in africa

a place filled with sky, land, sweat and dust-

and the sun wasn't shining none.

round a fire drums played heartbeats

and deep, painful belly songs

my voice cried out searching for you

my song to you

and all my sadness escaped into the dark

and i awoke with dirt under my nails

from trying to dig you up...

and you made the sun shine on me
~michelle 
(arrow)
(i wrote this after my dad died. was thinking about him and wanted to repost)

balcony

a couple summers ago i spent a few glorious months on the road...

traveling and living our of my backpack, my van, tents and sometimes on 

couches or floors.

this is something i have had the privilege of doing many times in my life.

i love how it polarizes life.

time slows down, details become highlighted.

there is a rawness to it.

one is not distracted by extras.

you have all your belongings on your back.

you say yes and there is a flow that takes place.

that particular summer i remember just being so open to life

and letting its magic flow through me.

one of the personal highlights for me was when in estes park, colorado  

a local offered his home as a place to crash while in town.

rather than sleep on the floor or couch i decided to put my sleeping bag

on his back balcony...i believe he was on the second or third floor.

although it was summer at night especially, you could really feel the mountain air.

i had moments of sheer bliss on that balcony.

i would look up at the stars and slowly drift to sleep.

cocooned in my bag i could feel the energy of the rockies and 

my spirit felt right.

i would wake up to the sun peeking through and often catch funny

conversations of tenants stirring and starting their days.

there were just a few days spent sleeping this way, but i remember

it being a special experience for me.

i am glad i made the simple choice to sleep there.

it is getting that time again...to live out of my backpack and say yes.

thoughts

to make the decision to truly 

"know thyself"

 can be an uncomfortable process 

for me it is a time of solitude, then tests of companionship.

at times it can feel like a selfish endeavor

but it is an endeavor of great importance.

establishing who you are within

acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses

having keen awareness

is the compass for one's life.

in the process

sorrow might arise

pain might arise

anger might arise

the sources of each are your savior.

for the discovery of each is the opportunity to purge with finality.

in the process 

being around others too frequently

media

influences

can impede and distract you.

to know who you are without societal imprints

provides an immunity for living authentically.

this process is a life long one

with moments of re-establishment.

but layers stick and the knowing, closer each time.

to go inward is a time of quiet.

meditation, being still, writing, listening,

it is in the stillness 

that movement can be felt.

it is in the letting go 

that we receive

it is in non-resistance

peace is discovered

it is in unattachment

we become free.

Today: When I walk let me be present in my walking.

When I rest let me be present in my resting

When I eat let me be present in my eating

When I read let me be present in my reading

When I am working let me be present in my working

Today let me rid myself of thoughts of distraction that compete with

being

art-icle

wintering

i want to spend the winter in a cabin

loading the wood stove

hikes in the woods

veggie stews on the stove

books read by the fire

painting

love making

song playing

meditating

duality...truality (beat box background buzz)

 (wanted to re-post this)

as i tramped through the grass
i was stopped by a bee
who buzzed up real close and spoke words to me-
at first i was scared, cause your s'pose to be
but i swallowed it down and it drew close to me

"Listen up lady,
i got something to say
it just might affect where your going today.
As far as you know
i just like to sting...
this is only a shtick
i got more that i bring. You see, back with my pals, i am known to be nice
funny and sweet, with a vice for the dice.
In the town next to here,
they'd have something to say
about when i visit
in my "own special way!"when i'm here -i am this
when i'm there- i am that
but mostly i live without a format
inside i'm the same
cause inside i am much
without walls to contain me
with rules and such."


i waved goodbye
careful, for the bee
who had taught me a lot about how to be free.
letting go of the ties
that so often bind me.
 ~michelle
arrow

 

know thyself

i forgot...
 how much my mind craves solitude

that it is in nature i feel most at peace and at home

that my spirit must feel free

in order for me to thrive

that i am independent and brave

and vulnerable and open

that i adapt easily and need little to feel content

that i am complicated yet crave simplicity in life

that i am pleasantly restless,

 excited by life and the exploration of it

despite the many times its knocked me on my ass

that i am resiliant

empathetic

kind

funny

giving

and i wear my heart on my sleeve

its messy there

that i want  to (and will) see the world
that im a good traveler bc i fully immerse myself, and observe, and participate
and love to live out of my backpack and i'm open and spontaneous.

that i want to(and will) garden all summer barefoot the rest of my life

that i want to work in the dirt

that i love to have paint on my hands and clay under my nails

that i want to (and will) camp for 3 months and create my own world

that i will never stop growing and learning
that i am beautiful and interesting
creative and innovative.
 

i want to never forget who i am again

never

it is not a garment i cast off this day, but a skin i tear with my own hands (Kahlil Gibran)

i do no want to miss you

i do not want to feel

i want to tuck this all away

but that's no way to heal

 the ways of love are hard and steep

i know this to be true

but easiness and comfort was

what i found in you

to move forward and not look back

takes a journey maybe two

but secretly inside myself 

i don't want to not, miss you

a thread did bare from my heart

and wove into your own

embroidered over time  

it built the place that i called home

i feel this tie between us still

and wish it not to weather

 maybe what we live apart

 we can one day bring together

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