~notes to self~

slow down
moments hold awe
stillness
quiet
reflection
if focus is control or mere accomplishment
you will miss the cardinal watching you through the kitchen window
you will miss the secrets of the snail
you will miss the innocence of the moth
you will pass the wind and not smile
this will be lost
flow with the current
bend with the wind
sing with your soul
look with love
quiet your mind
remember it is better to listen and not speak
it is better to not need to be heard
do because
be because
laugh at worry's lack of purpose
follow your heart
it is your compass
soon you will be there, but now you are here
be because
love because
you will
have the home by the ocean
salt
sand
gray
mist
stillness
tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock


 ~michelle

Vendredi soir

some words

" My words pushed through her head, then crept across her eyes.
She didn't have to speak. I knew what she was thinking. Sick with silence my mind became a volley of words, tossing back and forth until one fell, then I spoke again.

What I said, I cannot recall, it was spewed out and empty- she knew this.
She was just as ready as I to be done with this conversation.
I turned and walked away, knowing that this moment would never be spoken of again.I crumpled, and tossed it to the ground, my shoulders lifting and falling into the rhythm of my step."
  ~michelle

moments

brainstormthunderclap

i am really loving this gray, cloudy rainy day i wish i was running on the trails muddy ankles and knees, slipping on slippery rocks and burning chest cold sweat...a trip, yes, me and my best friend were gonna take a spontaneous, by the seat of our pants trip to the west, the west is the best and were gonna dance in the street and drink IPA's and eat and laugh inside our buzzes and laugh when we remember that we did this, i am sad i am missing the show in ptown but there will be others there always is others... need to find a creek with lots of clay to dig so i can make things and fire them in the new backyard with 3 acres at my dispense and maybe i will make a teepee back there and hang my rock, sticks and rusty bolt mobiles in the sunporch. i cant wait to get moved and start my new art series that is swirling in my head but where in the world does it have room to form with all the papers to type and chapters to read and a race to train for and wall paint to think about and packing and O i can't wait to hear back from my pen pal ms kimberly...i want old stationary to write her on my new porch gotta go to my favorite flea market and escape into his booth with dust and rust and stories and glory and can't think of anything else to rhyme with that...at the fish hatchery it was raining and i remembered being in reedsport, oregon watching the salmon swim upriver and the mist was a silk scarve twirling around me and my lungs filled up more than usual with the air because it was so good and we cheered for the salmon and i cried...i didn't know why but i let it come out and it felt good and my hair started to curl in the wet air and my skin swelled and it was right...i think so much about going going going away and living in the woods there for a short time and i know many good things would come from this and then life and my to do lists and plans and "suppose to's" get in the way- they will always unless i push them off my path and walk forward. i just want quiet, peaceful, quiet no one talking in my ear, no television, no computer, no radio just a open window and quiet and mist and clay and charcoal and paper and paint and red wine and bread and avocados and jarlsberg and gala apples filling a large wooden bowl and a white teeshirt and gray cords and bare dirty feet and plants and quiet and cedarwood oil and a bed on the floor with blankets and dreams and then i will emerge again but i need cacoon time. 

  ~michelle

Chuang Tzu: Discussions on making all things equal

-->

~words exist because of the meaning;

once you've gotten the meaning, you can forget the words.

where can i find a man who has forgotten

the words so i can have a word with him.~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-->

~If a man follows the mind given him

and makes it his teacher,

then who can be without a teacher?~

>>>------------>

-->

~great understanding is broad and unhurried~

-->

~Leap into the boundless

and make it

your home!~

Iroquois cry

i was talking to your bones

the sun wasn't shining none.

you found me talking to your bones

and you made the sun shine on me

then

i saw you standing behind me in my shadow in the grass

"don't cry white cloud- I will see you again"

and i dreamt i was in africa

a place filled with sky, land, sweat and dust-

and the sun wasn't shining none.

round a fire drums played heartbeats

and deep, painful belly songs

my voice cried out searching for you

my song to you

and all my sadness escaped into the dark

and i awoke with dirt under my nails

from trying to dig you up...

and you made the sun shine on me
~michelle

Je t'aime.

navigating the fog

this funk got me round the ankles... (but it drives me i think?)

when my head can't pick a path to take, when everything sounds good

and nothing sounds right. when i'm reading 3 books at once, listening to good, sweet songs, watching movies, dreaming, daydreaming, evening dreaming, projects scattered round waiting for my hands and juice to flow at the same time...and i'm trying to read Plato, really read it, because dammit i really want to...i want to know what everything means...i want lock combination's, keys, treasure maps...and today i feel like my perception is inside the cave...but i want to be seeing "it" in the light- and man, sometimes i do... but not today.

its like when i see a house and then i see a whole life inside it, but then i think of there and i remember that i can't have any of that here, and then i see i'm a traveler, but then my toes start sprouting roots...and then that changes, i am always changing and sometimes i just wanna stay the same.

tides in and out, in and out and i never catch them out to sea- i just wet my whistle, and my feet stay soggy but my hair doesn't get wet... and sometimes i wish i had the map to my life so that i could navigate, because i am a poor sailor- today

Deep inside my heart and its splintered at its core
Molden curdle of milken puddle
Dreams of warm breasts settling in my mouth
To be my spouse make a bale and a house
Apple tree, drunken brawl domestically
Dirty dog dusty pawed bloody nose roses embroidered sheets
Dangle like women in the breeze on a line above the yard
In my heart a flower dies slow like a campfire covered
In piss mellows like snow fall

-cocorosie

the dream

The dream was always running ahead of me.
To catch up, to live for a moment
in unison with it
that was the miracle.
~Anais Nan

layers

If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time,
then I'm neurotic as hell.
I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another
for the rest of my days.
-sylvia plath