too fast

it never gets easier, "the first day of school"

watching my little girl growing up is such a gift

but it goes by much too fast.

it seems like yesterday i was watching her take her first steps

and now she is officially a kid, not my baby anymore...

although she would beg to differ on that.

(first day of preschool)

i remember how nervous she was starting preschool.

but it didn't take long for her to find her way.

A and I would watch her through the window

waiting for her to spy us and run out to meet us.

she really grew into her own little person during preschool.

she emerged from her shell and it was wonderful to see her blossom.

(first day of kindergarten)

the year she started kindergarten was also a year much changed in our lives.

she endured some significant losses and school was a place she could go

and just be a kid. play, learn and feel nurtured.

i am so grateful for the amazing teacher she had.

in kindergarten it became very apparent that school would be a 

place enjoyed. she loves to learn and it was evident that she is very gifted.

she was the first and only child to read a book aloud to her classmates.

she learned some basic spanish and french and is continuing to study these languages.

i am so proud.

(first day of first grade- she wasn't too exicited)

this morning as we walked up the stairs to her classroom

she tightly clung to my hand, and i felt myself doing the same.

it is hard to let go 

it always is.

but i sang the song i have been singing to her since she was 4

"i hope you have a good day, a good day, a good day.

i hope you have a good day and a great afternoon"

to ease her jitters and my own.

i helped her unpack her supplies and introduced her to the little girl sitting next to her.

i asked her if she was ready for mommy to go and with tears in her eyes

she bravely nodded.

i kissed her forehead and told her i would be back to pick her up very shortly.

as i walked down the stairs and drove home tears rolled down my cheeks.

my little girl is growing up and my love for her seems to grow more and more each day.

how that is even possible i do not know.

my tears were of joy and of loss...but mainly joy.
then i felt my belly filled with kicks and punches and 

i was reminded that soon i will have these special

times all over again.

the greatest joy and love i have ever experienced has come by way of my children.

can't wait to pick her up and hear about her first day of first grade.

azul

turning dreams into reality requires manifestation

through words, thoughts, actions, and surrounding oneself

with energy that aligns with your hopes and intentions.

rather then daydreaming in bed all day

i try and connect on every level i can with that which i want.

flipping through magazines with pictures that attract me.

watching documentaries or films that inspire me and reflect my desires.

journaling my intentions 

meditating, vision boards and activities and hobbies related to my goals.

for several years now being self-sustainable, 

finding ways to travel (and explore the world) as a family and solo,

learning farming skills, and continuing to pursue outdoor adventures

have been the goals that i feel most connected to.

i have been cultivating these throughout my life

and when i get off track i always seem to make my way back to these aspirations.

 as we prepare for our new family member this winter,

gaining skills and prepping for a future life on land, ie;working towards

being fully self-sufficient, living close to the earth and its cycles 

                                               and adapting a more simplistic lifestyle

are my focused pursuits.

 today we found ourselves picking blueberries under a hot sun.

as we filled up our buckets, and our mouths, my mind grew still.

as a former gardener and landscaper i have always found planting, weeding and harvesting

such a meditative and connective task.

thoughts of blueberry jams, pies, cobblers and smoothies made me smile.

first up is blueberry jam.

we plan to go back next weekend to pick more for freezing.

along with this being cost efficient, this practice of seasonal harvesting

and storing and preserving for autumn and winter is an important

task in homesteading and one i plan to work at as best i can

without the actual land to glean from.

the recipe i used was from Real Simple

and it was that...simple and yummy.

keeps in the fridge a month and freezer for up to a year.

next i will try my hand at a blueberry pie...

and of course we will be gobbling cobblers, pancakes, and muffins.

some other endeavors coming up:

- the art of butter making

- yogurt making

- cheese making

- more veggie and fruit preserving

- and breads

 
 

sometimes you forget

thoughts that make me feel peace

heading back to the pacific northwest

where i feel most at home.

walking through the damp forest

smelling the earth

touching the trees

sitting still and breathing.

a simple cottage on a running stream.

large pained windows overlooking 

the garden, clothes on the line,

quiet meadows blanketed with morning fogs.

feathers and wildflowers in glass containers in nooks.

bread rising in the sun

soup boiling atop the woodstove.

shelves with pinecones, rocks, shells and treasures

collected by the little ones.

coffee on the front porch, my dog curled around my feet.

fluffy bed next to an open window

chickens clucking in the yard

barefoot gardening

fresh dinners from the harvesting

rainy walks down by the creek

rocking next to the fire nursing my baby 

records quietly playing

much to smile about

::life moves forward::