twenty four

time is passing swiftly on the calendar

and sometimes slowly on a day to day basis.

it usually goes that way when one is so excited for a circled date.

 just a few months until this new life enters our world.

this life that will change ours forever

change mine forever

my heart is so full of love.

as i sit rocking in the chair we just purchased for baby
 its easy to imagine holding her in my arms.

my little girl is excited to meet her sister 

her only stipulation is that she still remains the baby

 this should be an easy condition to meet.

she will always be my little baby.

 being a mom is 

::the greatest::

gift of my life.

i can feel myself slowing down some,

not that i have had much energy in this pregnancy.

 i have been forced to be still.

aside from struggling through nausea, fatigue, 

heartburn, shortness of breath and an overall diversion to food

i have mentioned many times here my struggle with surfacing emotions.

i miss my dad terribly and have felt his presence strongly in these months

but i also miss my family. my mom and my sister.

i will never go into these relationships in this forum i will just

say that they are not in my life and it is a void in my life.

but 

as i get closer to the end i am beginning

to feel this serene peace wash over me.

i have dealt with the wounds and allowed them to be exposed to 

the air and sun and heal on their own.

and they are.
now i can focus more on myself and this special time.
i have to rest and try and put on more weight
and let my sweet Z and little girl pamper me.

so here i am 24 weeks and in a place 

i couldn't have imagined a year ago

but so thankful for the journey and where it has led me

and who i have become through it.

i am a

::warrior::