rain

Often I feel uncomfortable.

Small talk, "rules" of society, expected routines, 

working in a workplace...

It is hard to explain.

Most times things that come from me are forced 

and surface. 

I can play the game for awhile but then it finally gets to me

and I just can't do it anymore and I check out.

I leave my job, I quit talking to new friends and I seemingly disappear.

I am in that stage right now. 

I miss working in the garden. I miss landscaping and being so close to the trees, herbs, 

plants and soil that I had developed a relationship with.

I miss watching the birds in the morning find puddles to splash in.

Watching worms wind in and out of the dirt.

Spy bees darting about the flowers and butterflies spinning to and fro.

Tonight I sat in my car as it rained.

I lay back my seat and watched dark clouds, 

Lightening littered the sky and the ominous thunder soothed my spirit.

Drops of rain streamed down my windshield and blurred and altered my sight.

I just listened and observed and the anxious feeling I had been carrying all day

dissipated and evaporated.

I could feel a smile inside me. 

A feeling of rightness.

As my mind often does I was carried away with daydreams.

Sitting in the grass smelling the wet earth.

Crating clay pots under a sunny rain, the wetness gliding down my arms onto my fingertips.

Mint and lavender mist from the herb patch.

Lying in bed under the clip clopping of dancing raindrops.

Jumping in puddles with my little one and finding surfaced earthworms.

Sitting on the swing of my front porch watching the rain nourish the garden.

In this man-made world I might feel uncomfortable,

but in nature I find me.